Big Girls Don’t Cry

Welcome to Tuesday Tunes!

Which is a thing I just made up. See, I heard a song that the Apple Genius super being put on my playlist, and it made me think of when and why I loved that song. There were also some Prince songs on the list which reminded me of my friend Addye. That also reminded me that she digs music, and I think I saw her have a conversation with another Twitter friend of ours about lyrics and inspiration and what-not. Or, it was a blog post. Or a dream I had recently.

Anyway, I thought in honor of Addye moving to Texas tomorrow, we, well, me, I mean I of course, could tell you about the song that made me think of that time. Then maybe you could tell me a song you have that also goes with a time. Then we’d know stuff about each other.

Like right now you know exactly how my brain does brain thinking. Pretty cool, huh? Cool, weird, whatever.

The song is “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie, and it was even my ringtone. (Don’t judge me. It was popular. The video had that guy who played Jess on Gilmore Girls in it. God, I miss Gilmore Girls.)

It was the summer of 2007, and I was pregnant with the twins. We were very excited, but we were also nervous. Having lost our sweet Carter in March 2006 was a devastating experience. I was trying hard to enjoy the twin pregnancy and not fear the worst. If you know me even a little bit, not worrying is sort of impossible, but I gave it my best shot.

I really liked the part of the song that talked about clarity, peace, and serenity. I sort of used it like a meditation. (Except that when I sang along with it, I always mixed up the order of those three words. Every time.) I felt like the song was a note to our Carter. It was me telling him I had to leave the sadness behind and enjoy these new babies. I missed him, but I needed to get on with being happy.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry(Copied from

It’s kind of weird since it’s a song about a person letting their lover go, but parts of it just resonated with me, and it became my theme song that summer. (Plus, I sing badly, and Fergie ain’t no Adele, so I could keep up.) It was me singing to my baby, my sweet baby who was going to be a big brother soon.

And that’s my Tuesday Tune from the way-back machine. Do you have one you’d like to share? Can you also do me a favor and wish my friend Addye good luck on her big move? She’s doin’ some straightenin’ out herself, and I’m excited for her.


25 thoughts on “Big Girls Don’t Cry

  1. I do wish your friend Addye luck. I didn’t even know this song was by Fergie — I just start singing along.
    Anway, I don’t have a tune to share but I also miss Gilmore Girls (more than a grown woman should) and especially Jess’s angsty, brooding, screw-up sexiness. I caught it on Soap Net by accident this weekend and was so excited, but it was the final season (not as good.)
    That’s my admission for a Tuesday morning.

  2. Well there was that summer after college when I just played John Mayer’s Love Song to No One on repeat, but maybe we shouldn’t talk about that. When I need to bring the happy, I always listen to Elton John’s Tiny Dancer. It doesn’t remind me of anything in particular, just somehow makes me feel complete.

    Somehow I don’t think I answered the question. I’m blaming mommy brain. Have a good trip Addy!!

  3. Would you believe that I’d never heard that song? I loved it – is that wrong since it’s so old now? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I love music and lyrics so much. Sometimes, I truly believe that I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been able to cling to music during my hardest times.

    It was the summer of 1990, the summer after my junior year in college. I was staying with my mother at her home deep in the Ozarks and completely isolated. I hadn’t come out to her yet. I was in love for the first time in my life and my girlfriend was at Russian camp in Vermont. I felt so alone – literally and existentially – living for the phone conversations with my girlfriend that would always take place after my mother had gone to bed.

    There are two songs that can take me back there:

    Nothing Compares to You (Sinead O’Connor) – I missed my girlfriend and this had just the right amount of angst.

    Cry Like an Angel (Shawn Colvin) – This felt like a coming of age song to me, a song about coming to terms with the past, about vulnerability. I played it on the guitar every single day. It is still one of my favorite songs to play to this day.

    I’ve gone on and on – sorry. I just get all weirdly passionate about music and connection to memory.

  4. Okay, the music nerd in me just squealed with excitement. I’m not a big fan of Fergie, but I loved that song. I have a whole notebook filled with song lyrics that spoke to me. I loved the Gilmore Girls as well. Great show with awesome dialogue. I wish I could talk like that in real life. Wait, what? Not everyone gets my sense of humor at work. Big corporate setting – all that jazz. It’s a bit like Office Space at times. I love the work, but the corporate culture can be so stifling. Now I have “It’s Good to be a Gangster” in my head. You’re welcome for that ear worm.

    Good luck Addye on your move! You will love it!

  5. Pingback: Tuesday Tunes | Up Popped A Fox

  6. Oh Stephanie. I’ve been trying all day to think of the right words to express how beautiful and sweet it is of you to do this for me…to tell you how thankful I am for your friendship & for being so thoughtful. Even for you tp understand how big this is for me…I’m honestly at a loss for words and cannot wait til I get to hug you and buy you a round of drinks in person ๐Ÿ™‚

    That song is SO appropriate. I always loved singing it…and the words always resonate with me when facing a major transition. Like I said it always seems appropriate and helps me be okay with letting go and of how important it is to take care of myself.

    I’m such a music junkie it’s hard to narrow down one song in particular. Purple Rain is one that has been with me since childhood. I listen to it whenever I feel like I want to give up on life-the emotion & passion in the music just gives me hope. Like I said there are others, so many others, but that’s the first song I remembering hearing and crying to-I was only 4 years old.

    Thanks y’all for the encouragement, sharing your stories & the well wishes. I’ll be holding on to them and this post for a long, long time.

  7. Two songs that forever remind me of a specific time in my life that I will never forget…

    A Little Respect by Erasure – song that came on the radio when I was officially moving to Dallas on my own and I hit the part of 45 coming from Houston where you can see the downtown Dallas skyline in the distance.

    Godspeed by Radney Foster – Carter’s funeral and that was also the day my doctor confirmed I was pregnant with Ryan.

  8. Most of the U2 songs really get me, or paul simon. One of my all time favs is Every Breathe You Take, man I listened to that soo many times, that is probably when my stalking tendencies showed thru…kidding. But seriously I remember I had a major crush at that time and probably was watching every breathe he took.

  9. I am a social worker and firmly believe that music can be used as a therapeutic tool, it is amazing how it moves people

    • The few times my husband and I visited his grandmother in her nursing home before she died, we always loved seeing the couple that lived down the hall. The lady would turn on some music and dance in front of him. She was in another time and place, and so was he.

  10. Lately I feel like With or Without You (my favorite song) or Alex Clare’s “Too Close” have been resonating a ton with me. I love how songs have this ability to transplant you a time before. I really like that Fergie song (and can’t even sing along properly to her) and the line, “That this has nothing to do with you. Itโ€™s personal, myself and I” Coudl pretty much be my theme song.

  11. Pingback: It’s A Great Day To Be Alive « Talking Is My Primary Function

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